The Complete Guide to Face Sitting

When it comes to face sitting sex, all you need are two essential components: a face and genitals.

At some point, you might encounter a partner requesting you to sit on their face. For some, this idea may seem a bit daunting, with thoughts of accidental suffocation crossing their minds. Others, however, embrace the opportunity, straddling their partner's face without hesitation because, well, life is short.

Understanding Face Sitting

Face sitting is straightforward — it involves sitting on your partner's face for oral stimulation, not always directly but sometimes in a squatting or kneeling position. This distinction is crucial, especially if the term conjures thoughts of suffocation.

The History of Facesitting

Facesitting sex has an intriguing history. While some trace it back to the 1800s, as seen in artworks like "The Cursed Woman" (1859), others connect it to ancient times. Drawings from ancient Egypt, parts of Asia, and Medieval Europe depict this act. In 2014, the UK briefly banned face sitting in online pornography, categorizing it as "potentially harmful content," a decision later overturned in 2019. Despite the lift, face sitting still found itself in the taboo category.

Exploring "Queening" in the BDSM/Femdom Community

In the BDSM community, where power dynamics come into play, face sitting is often referred to as "Queening." This term stems from the dominant partner, known as the "Queen," assuming a commanding position by sitting on their submissive partner's "throne" — their face.

Queening holds significant power as the dominant individual can ride their partner's face, stimulating their vulva, clitoris, and, if desired, their anus against the mouth and nose of the submissive partner. This position not only empowers the vulva owner but also facilitates easier orgasmic experiences, akin to being on top during intercourse and using their partner's pubic bone for stimulation.

Reasons Behind the Desire for Face Sitting

Delving into the motivations, there are numerous reasons why individuals may be inclined to explore face sitting. Whether it's a desire to experiment with a new position, engage in power dynamics, or simply out of curiosity, the motivations vary based on the individuals involved and their sexual preferences.

What does face sitting feel like for the person on top?

1. Overall Comfort:

If you enjoy receiving oral sex – which is completely subjective – face sitting can be described in one word: great! Not everyone shares this preference, and that's perfectly normal. For those who find pleasure in it, face sitting offers a comfortable way to have their genitals stimulated, benefitting from the cozy sitting position.

2. Empowerment:

Regardless of BDSM preferences, being on top during face sitting can evoke a sense of empowerment. The individual in the dominant position has more control over their pleasure, experiencing a powerful dynamic even without explicitly embracing the "Queening" aspect. The focus remains on genital stimulation, creating a feeling of regality.

3. Reduced Vulnerability:

For individuals with vulvas who may feel vulnerable during traditional oral sex due to societal perceptions, face sitting offers a shift in dynamics. Societal norms can contribute to feelings of vulnerability in the traditional position. However, when straddling a partner and embracing a sense of empowerment, individuals may find themselves less vulnerable, thanks to the control gained from being in the top position.

What does face sitting feel like for a bottom?

1. Exceptional Pleasure:

For individuals who thoroughly enjoy providing pleasure to their partner, oral sex is an intimate way to express that. Research consistently highlights the significance of clitoral stimulation for the majority of individuals with vulvas to achieve orgasm or experience ejaculation. Face sitting allows direct stimulation of this sensitive area, providing an immersive experience without distractions.

2. Sense of Empowerment:

Continuing the pattern, being in the bottom position during face sitting can also be empowering. While it may not involve the same physical control as the top position, the bottom partner gains empowerment by actively engaging in oral stimulation. By holding their partner in place and ensuring their pleasure is sustained — within consensual boundaries — a sense of control and empowerment is achieved.

3. Ego Boost:

Recognizing that penetration alone rarely leads to orgasm for individuals with vulvas, the bottom partner experiences an ego boost during face sitting. With a focus on clitoral stimulation, they find themselves in an ideal position to bring their partner to climax repeatedly, showcasing their ability to provide pleasure and contribute to a satisfying sexual experience.

Accessibility of Face Sitting: An Inclusive Perspective

Yes, anyone can explore or embrace face sitting, regardless of body shape, size, or genital anatomy. Although commonly linked with vulva owners taking the dominant position, individuals with penises can engage in their own form of face sitting. While the comfort and positioning may vary for the person with a penis on top, it remains a feasible option. In essence, face sitting is accessible to everyone, emphasizing the fundamental components required: a face and genitals.

Exploring Face Sitting for Beginners

For those venturing into face sitting for the first time, it's crucial to acknowledge any concerns that may arise. Engage in open communication with your partner to address these concerns and ensure a mutual understanding of how to approach face sitting.

1. Initiating the Conversation

Discussing face sitting involves a significant emphasis on consent. Whether you express your interest in straddling your partner's face or they propose it, a conversation about the why, potential mutual benefits, and the physical aspects is essential. It's vital to respect your partner's decision if they are not interested; coercion should never be part of the equation. Listen to their concerns, insecurities, or reasons for hesitation, and strive to find a compromise that respects both perspectives.

2. Optimal Face Sitting Positions

While the conventional face sitting position involves straddling your partner's face with your genitals facing the top of their head, there are alternative positions to explore.

Facing Away from Your Partner

Choosing to face away from your partner provides a delightful view for them while they stimulate your genitals. This position allows for hair pulling and deeper genital contact with their face, all within consensual boundaries. It also creates an opportunity to incorporate analingus (rimming), enhancing the overall experience. Whether facing your partner or turning around, both positions offer unique sensations during face sitting.

Image: Woman performing a squatting face-sitting sex position on a man's face

Exploring Facesitting Positions

For those concerned about the weight of their body during facesitting, an alternative to the traditional kneeling position is squatting. Squatting provides more control, allowing you to tantalize your partner by hovering your genitals over their face while alleviating anxiety about the impact of your full weight. It's essential to note that maintaining a squatting position may require strong quadriceps, and if fatigue sets in, taking breaks or switching positions is advisable.

Utilizing Support: Leaning Against the Headboard

Some facesitting positions benefit from additional support, similar to the way standing intercourse may require a wall for stability. Leaning against the headboard of the bed or a wall offers support, assisting in maintaining an upright position. This not only enhances balance but also grants you more control over the pressure exerted on your partner's face. If desired, the headboard or wall can be utilized to increase pressure, providing a dynamic range based on mutual comfort and preference.

3. The importance of having a safe word.

Whether you consider yourselves a straightforward couple or indulge in kinkier activities, implementing a safe word in BDSM practices is crucial. A safe word serves as an immediate stop signal. When venturing into face sitting with your partner, establishing a clear and agreed-upon safe word is paramount. Given the potential impediment to communication with the full weight of your body during face sitting, having a safe signal, such as tapping on a thigh, becomes essential for ensuring a shared understanding and maintaining safety.

4. Face sitting techniques.

Face sitting extends beyond various positions, offering a range of techniques for exploration with your partner.


While cunnilingus is a common association with face sitting, it's not the sole technique to consider. Although starting with the clitoris, rich with 8,000 nerves, is a great beginning, other erogenous zones in the area should not be overlooked. Bonus tip: Explore the Kivin Method, known as an effective approach to cunnilingus.


For those fond of anal play, face sitting provides an ideal position to intimately engage with the anus, employing mouth and tongue stimulation. Alternatively, the bottom partner, focusing on the genitals, can incorporate anal stimulation using their fingers. Consider trying various anal massage and fingering techniques.

Breath Play

Emphasizing the need for prior discussion, breath play during face sitting requires ongoing communication. While being on top can be empowering, controlling your partner's breath demands careful monitoring. This is where the importance of a safe word and/or signal becomes evident.

Using Toys

If you're not taking on the dominant role of "Queening," facing away from your partner during face sitting allows for the incorporation of toys. Utilize a mini vibe like the Le Wand Grand Bullet to stimulate your partner's genitals, enhancing the experience for both vulva and penis owners.

5. Check in with your partner.

Regardless of your position—whether you're on top or bottom—it's crucial to regularly check in with your partner. Inquiring about their comfort, ensuring they can breathe properly, assessing their enjoyment, exploring alternative positions, or any other questions that facilitate open communication are essential. This approach ensures that the experience is equally enjoyable for both partners.